


Far from home

by Proxy_17



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst and Feels, BAMF Women, Cage Fights, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Exploration, F/F, F/M, Family Fluff, Feel-good, Fist Fights, Fun, Gay Male Character, Gay Panic, Gay Sex, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurts So Good, M/M, Meet the Family, Multi, New Planets, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Drug Addiction, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Sleepy Cuddles, Team as Family, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-09-02 13:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16788223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Proxy_17/pseuds/Proxy_17
Summary: It's been years since Sabine and Ahsoka departed on their journey to find Ezra and if all the scenarios that played out in Sabine's head, an older, seasoned Ezra with a crew wasn't on that list.But there he is, leading his own makeshift rebels against the New Order and happy. Can Sabine convince this man who's a practically a stranger to her to come home? Should she?





	1. Guts and glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine goes to drink her woes away, not start a Cantina brawl and save a kid but there she is.

The Sunspot Cantina on the Ring of Kafrene was about as far from the light of day as Mustafar was, maybe farther; a murky little den filled with unsightly crooks, cons, and an array of weapons that everyone itched to draw on the other.

It was a cesspool of crime, a roulette with a full magazine, it was playing keep away with death as you point a blaster to your head.

But if you didn't want to be stabbed to death in the main throughways at night due to the constantly shifting nature of the Ring's layout, or inhale the toxic fumes from the ventilation shafts that sent wafts of ammonia into the streets, your best bet was to place your fate in a pile of credits and a came name.

And currently, sitting at it's bar with a half broken glass filled with Rodian Splice was Sabine Wren, thirty-one years old and four years into the beginnings of grey roots that she hadn't purposely dyed silver.

Four years, technically eleven, had passed since she'd last laid eyes on that electric eyed boy with blue hair.

It was just...Ahsoka could walk through portals and alter timelines but she couldn't find one human being that actually mattered to her, Hera, Zeb, hell, to everyone!

She downed her shot and grimaced.

How many planets? How many galaxies had they scoured looking only to come up empty? Hundreds? Seemed like thousands.

And then there was the First Order.

A cancerous blot that was quickly starting to spread like ink in water, they'd occupied a little more than several planets and their military strength was rivaling that of the Empire of old.

She and Ahsoka had to go back to Lothal; even though they checked in regularly it was nothing compared to actually having them there and preparing for an assault at any time.

“Hey, thickness,” Sabine resisted the urge to roll her eyes and instead downed her drink, paying no attention to the Kiffar. “You come here often?”

He smelt of spice, Ardees, and bad intentions and the way he kept inching closer had her fingers itching for the feel of her blaster.

“You deaf?” he slurred, spice agitating a volatile temper that ran deep in his species’ genes. “I asked you a question!”

Slamming his fist on the counter he grabbed her shoulder and went to yank her to face him but Sabine really wasn't in the mood -- hadn't been in years -- and the moment he laid his painted hand on her shoulder she clicked.

Sending her durasteel knee sky high where the sun don't shine, Sabine struck fast and hard before delivering a hard brass punch to his jaw; effectively crumpling the man to the ground.

Of course, with all the drugs he'd consumed, he decided to attempt standing but swayed into the unwilling embrace of a Rutian female who shoved him forward and sprawling over a table ringer with Trandoshans.

One lizard man, a deep set green stood to his towering height and launched the Kiffar into a Sabacc table, credits sending the poor and greedy to the floor as the monetary rained down.

Within seconds the Sunspot Cantina was little less than a brawl of fists, now it would've been much bloodier but most abided by the rule of ‘Blasters stay at the door’.

She ducked and whipped her head towards the direction where the plasma burst that shot a man down several feet in front of her had came from.

She did say most.

A human kid -- couldn't be much older than twelve -- was firing off a rather clean Dc-17m blaster before the shots emptied out and he decided to chunk it at the head of a scraggly looking Rodian.

Sabine smirked and watched as the kid dove into the fray, turning back to her own fight as she threw a left, tried blocking a jab but got blindsided instead.

She rubbed her jaw, popped it back into place, and with a scoff got back into the motion of dirty cantina brawling.

With a kick to a woman's abdomen, and a bar stool to the back of one man's head, the Mandalorian felt giddy in a way she'd never realized gone and it was fun.

From the scarlet spray covering durasteel built-in brass knuckles to the various alien blood splatter painting her like Felucian jungle plants at night, she looked like war incarnate and pain in my muscles as they burned from scrapping felt like huffing Cloud City oxygen.

She felt alive.

Well, up to the point when the doors got kicked in by stormtroopers and everyone scrambled in mass panic out any exit they could find.

Some were stupid enough to run head on at the blasters firing -- she blamed the spice -- but not her. Nope. Three cups too many of Rodian Splice and a shot of Arboite Twister hadn't dulled her senses but it did decide to make her black out till she came around looking up at a giant plated wall in a festering back alley with the thought ‘I've never climbed something that high before!’.

But she was tipsy, agitated, and didn't feel like hearing Ahsoka’s ‘holier-than-thou’ reprimand if the Togruta had to come save bucketheads from the Mandalorian.

So Sabine decided that yes, she could do this small effort that required her functioning motor skills but of course she just had to be stopped.

Not by blaster fire, no.

But by the screams and scuffle of someone in need. Oh if only the alcohol had deafened her.

So, with a heavy sigh Sabine rested her head on the wall and thanked the force that blackout her was smart enough to get her blasters back, before reading herself and turning into the deeper part of Kafrene’s underbelly.

It was the kid from the bar, face indignant as he tried to yank away from a rather muscled Kaleesh man who dangled him above ground effortlessly as if the child was a kit and he and Lothcat mother.

Standing next to him, with a hand on her hip and talking into a communicator on her wrist was a Lethan female, the lack of a red ring around her disturbingly bright gold eyes the only thing keeping Sabine from assuming that the Twi’lek was a Sith.

“Kidnapping kids, really?” Sabine decided to start with, the Kaleesh man dropping the boy and pulling out his blasters in sync with the Lethan’s draw.

“Ain't kidnapping anyone,” the woman narrowed cold eyes at her. “So I suggest you leave while you still can.”

“I could suggest the same thing, you know,” Sabine was stalling for the kid as she indirectly watched him start to slink away.

“Could even give you recommendations for a hobby other than child slavery.”

The Lethan’s lekku twitched in agitation and for a second Sabine thought the boy might actually have a running chance but the Kaleesh yanked him up by the back of his shirt and held the boy firm under his arm like a ball.

“Spectre four come in,” a smooth imperial voice called over the Twi'lek's wrist comm. “Have you extracted the nuisance?”

“Trying to,” she spat into her comm, eyes and blaster never leaving Sabine. “Currently got a tail with blasters on us.”

There was a moment of silence before, “I've alerted Spectre one, they'll arrive shortly.”

“Good, because I'm about ready to _skin_ our little package.” the boy paled with owl eyes and Sabine tightened her grip on her blasters.

“Good thing i have full cartridges,” Sabine scoffed and readjusted her aim; her arm getting tired and the booze making her sway.

Now to understand the situation one must first analyze how Sabine Wren of House Vizsla thinks. Two slavers with back up on the way in a dark, decrepit back alley holding a kid hostage against an easily volatile semi-drunk Mandalorian with two blasters straight aimed to the smallest ion.

It was going to get bloody.

Sabine kind of wanted it to get bloody.

But, like the rest of the night, life apparently didn't care what Sabine wanted, instead choosing a more fatalistic approach -- more like kick to the back side -- for the young woman.

“Sabine?” the voice was seasoned with age and rough around the edges that were just perfectly paired with a pair of electric blues staring at her in the dark.

She sucked in shuddering breath and let her blasters slip from her hands without even an afterthought, eyes blinking back tears as they slid down her cheeks.

Her lips parted to say something, anything really, but she found her soul caught in her throat as her heart pounded like rushing waves covering the drowned; animalistic and without prejudice.

Completely frozen with labored breathing wasn't how she imagined her reunion with Ezra but there she was; smelling like puke, booze, and covered in a kaleidoscope of colorful blood being enveloped by a man twice her size and smelling of home and sweet blaster cleaner.

“In all the galaxies…” he chuckled as he buried his face into her dark purple hair. “I've missed you.”

She sniffled and did the most heartwarming thing her body was capable of; she upchucked on the front of his shirt and blacked out in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first star wars fanfiction and it was a spur of the moment kind of thing but here's to hoping that it might be liked lol.


	2. Breakfast silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew of the Arcadia sit around a table, eat breakfast...and give Ezra the evil eye.

Nerfmilk.

Vine coffee with Traladon.

Blumfruit muffins.

Caramelized Pkneb.

Dantooine flapjack.

Chili dumplings.

And Dewback jerky meat served on Kanali wafers.

Breakfast on the Dynamic-class freighter also known as the Arcadia, was usually hectic to say the least.

Between Kit and Genisi fighting over the last Kanali wafers, Ra’s attempting to poison them with his self-proclaimed cuisine of the heavens, to a cranky Doc without her morning brew of Deuterium-pyro and black coffee. Even Kielah could wake up with her lekku in a twist if Xax snored too loudly in the night.

But as of current, everyone was eating in complete silence. Well, almost everyone.

“So,” Doc sat her drink down and quirked an eyebrow. “Anyone care to explain why there's a drunk grape taking up space in my Medbay?”

Ra’s looked up with a bemused smirk but said nothing, instead choosing to chew on a flapjack and wait for the Bantha dung to hit the fan.

“IT WAS GENISI’S FAULT!” the twelve year old yelled with a pointing finger.

“YOU LYING LITTLE SITH!” the Devonian female slammed her hands on the table and stood angrily. “THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO GO FIND _ME_ IN A CANTINA BAR FIGHT!”

“BLOW IT OUT YOUR EXHAUST VENT!”

“KIT!” All the adult yelled simultaneously as they looked at their younger with disbelief.

“In my defence I was left unsupervised!” the boy threw his hands up into the air in mock surrender.

“YOU SNUCK OUT!” Genisi yelled again, still standing. “AND WHERE'S MY BLASTER!?”

“YOU HAVE BLASTERS!?” Ezra paled and cast a knowing look at Kielah who shrugged with a smirk.

“I had one when I was her age.”

“That is _not_ the point!” Ezra stressed with a groan. “Those are two different scenarios!”

“Alright, _alright_ ,” Doc spoke over the tangled mess, irritation starting to leak into her voice and causing them to sit down and zip it. “What's this have to do with the girl?”

“If I may?” Xax cleared his throat and sat up where Kielah’s lekku was curled around his neck fondly.

With Doc’s approved hand motion The Kaleesh explained with verbatim how Genisi had begged Ra’s to find Kit but the Chiss had charged her a hundred credits for his services.

“You charged a sixteen year old to find our crew mate?” Ezra blinked dumbfoundedly at the man who sipped his Ganno juice innocently.

“Searching is time and time is money,” Ra’s shrugged. “How else do you expect me to buy my Groat milk and space slugs for dinner?”

“Aren't space slugs...pets?” Kit questioned.

“Everything's a pet, just cause we haven't eaten you doesn't mean that you're not one too.”

The kid gapped and blinked in horror and Ezra glared daggers at the Chiss man; he meant good, honest, he just wasn't the most tactful when it came to others he wasn't going to kill.

“Anyway.” Doc probed and Xax -- after a moment of staring at Ra’s -- continued.

Next was how Ra’s got a hold of Kielah and Xax who were checking over a shipment of Chak-root they'd acquired from a no longer living Rodian.

“Why's he no longer living?”

“Asked if _ma sareen_ was for sale.” Xax deadpanned. “He had soft skull.”

Kielah kisses his cheek and no one questions the Kaleesh further on that subject. “We find little brother knees deep in alleyway scrap against Rodian with bruise on forehead.”

“And I was winning too!”

“He was like backpack, wrapped around Rodian and biting ear.” The Kaleesh ruffled Kit’s hair and the boy beamed. “Was going to buy Cavaellin spiced creams for little brother before girl interrupted us.”

“And she's who exactly?” Doc turned to Ezra who had stilled. “Seeing as you were the one that carried her in, what do _you_ have to say?”

Ezra chuckled and ran a hand through his mane of dark blue hair. “She's...she’s an old friend.”

“No, I'm an old friend,” Kielah interrupted as said Twi’lek sat up. “She dropped her _blasters_ at the sight of you, there’s a lil more to you and her than just _old friends_.”

“Maybe it's an old girlfriend!” Kit piped up before before he was shushed by a look from Ra's and Doc. “Sorry.”

“But all the same, we're just as curious,” Doc took a sip of her drink and placed it down before turning to him, “We made this crew on trust. On the foundation that we can give others a fight against the empire. This crew is family, Ezra, and we all have a say in what goes on in and around us; you can't make a decision to just bring someone potentially dangerous aboard...but you did. And now, we're scrapping for answers you haven't given. Who is she?”

The thirty year old gulped and looked at his hands, he never really talked about his past and what little they knew was that he'd been in the rebellion since he was fourteen, though Doc knew a fair share more.

“When I was seven i was orphaned, not by choice but by the Empire,” he decided to start with. “My parents spoke out and that got them taken from me. I bounced around from one back alley job to the next before I met a crew at fourteen, not unlike this one; they were people from different backgrounds fighting against a common enemy. And the first thing I did was rob them.” he chuckled softly at the memory.

“I got caught of course, by them, and then by the Empire and I thought they were going to leave me in that cell but they came back and gave me a home. Gave me hope and a place to call my own, made me want to be someone that I could be proud of…” he paused and took a shuddering breath. “We fought tooth and nail, lost good people and gained more, i made mistakes...a lot of mistakes but they never abandoned me and because we had become a thorn in the empire's side they sent their best to wipe us out...he almost did.”

“W-what happened then?” Genisi stiffened and scooted closer. “Did the guy win?”

“No,” he scoffed sadly with a shake of his head; Thrawn might as well had. “I gave myself up so they could live and fight, so that they could give others a chance like they did for me, but in doing so _I_ lost them…”

“Trapped on Lokath for five years,” Doc supplied. “And in recovery for two...You met me four months after that.”

“Yeah, i did.” he rubbed his neck and thought back to the moment her amber eyes made contact with his.

He'd stumbled onto the Theelin trying to save the lives of slaves trapped in spice mines, she was wielding a blaster, a full surgeon’s kit, and the bar she was using to hold up the collapsing tunnel was itself collapsing.

He'd used the force, saved them, passed out and woke up to Doc sipping on her morning brew and pointing a blaster at him.

_“You're no Sith,” she'd sipped as he sat groggily up. “But don't think I won't put a scalpel through your eye.”_

He'd smirked and offered her a ship, well, his ship, and told her enough to get her packing and moving in. The way she saw it, she could help more people with him than without.

“I had a sister in that crew...a firebrand with a mouth quicker than her blaster draw,” he smirked. “Looking back I was wrong, i know this, but i gave her perhaps the hardest mission she'd ever encountered. I told her it was up to her.”

“To do what?” Ra’s blinks.

“Exactly,” Ezra swallows. “Maybe to find me, maybe to protect them like I couldn't, i don't know…”

There's a moment of silence before. “She's the girl...your sister, i mean.” Kielah tried and when Ezra said nothing she continued. “How long has it been? Since you last saw her?”

“Eleven years.”

“Holy shit.” Kit breathed out, Ra’s popping him upside the head. “Ow!”

“Stop cursing.” the Chiss man scolded, ignoring the stuck out tongue from the child.

“And her name?” Doc questioned.

“Sabine,” he spoke the name like holy words, like he was whispering a secret more precious than the death star plans, taking a sip of his drink. “Sabine Wren.”

“Yeah?” all heads looked towards the entrance, where said woman in questioned was swaying slightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to all those who left Kudos and my first commenter Silverfox22!!! Thanks for the comment!!! 
> 
> Side note, if you comment I will respond. I see it as if you take your time to comment I can take my time to respond.


	3. Tale of hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine meets Ezra's crew and struggles with decisions.

A Mandalorian walks into a kitchen with an assortment of aliens watching her and a owl eyed man who’d just choked on his drink.

Sounds like the beginnings of a raunchy Cantina joke swapped between rough-around-the-edges pilots, but it wasn't a joke, and Ezra Bridger -- seasoned and looking so much like Kanan that it hurt -- was currently, and awkwardly wiping at his mouth to rid the sticky drink running down his face; a rasping cough bubbling from his lips as he cleared his throat.

“Well, this is fucked.” Kit commented with an exaggerative exhale from the deflation of puffed cheeks, another pop being delivered by Ra’s automatically.

“Atticus, to your room,” Doc narrowed her hazel eyes at the boy who blinked dumbfoundedly at the use of his name. “Now.”

“No fair!” the boy huffed. “Every time I leave, freckles gets to stay!”

“You slimy little Sarlacc Pit!!!” Gen growled and once again they'd dissolved into bickering.

“You've never even seen a Sarlacc Pit!”

“At least I can spell it!”

“Enough!” Kielah interrupted with a bang on the table, both adolescents going silent. “She said to your room. Now. Before I have you two clean the waste transporter.”

They paled, and begrudgingly moved from the table, though Gen had to be glared at for a second longer before she too disappeared with audible grumbles to their rooms.

“You’d think they'd realize by now that we don't have a waste transporter.” Kielah scoffed.

“Easy,” Ezra warned with a mischievous glint in his electric blue eyes. “If they hear that we might actually have to install one.”

“If we did, at least we'd have somewhere to dump Ra’s cooking in other than the trash.”

“No, he might use that as added protein and fiber in our diets.” Xax taunted light heartedly, earning him a red eyed glare.

“My cooking is state of the art,” he grimaced. “But I wouldn't expect mynocks to understand that.”

“Your eggs literally acted as a degreaser.” Ezra clapped his friend on the shoulder and chuckled that deep throaty chuckle that reminded him of his dad, the previous Imperial only huffing half-heartedly indignant.

“Fine,” Ra’s spat before the slow curvature of his mouth smothered it's way to his face in smug delight. “But don't come crawling to me when I'm famous.”

“Famous for what?” Kielah snickered. “Murder? And besides, the only crawling we'll be doing is _away_ from the food.”

“If you can crawl that is,” Xax aided his wife as he took a sip of her drink. “You might skip the early stages and go straight to rigor mortis.”

Ra’s narrowed ruby eyes, lips set in a grim line; the tale signs that he was about to shout, or get even, but honestly you don't get even with someone who could dangle your life in between your fingers. But he never got the chance, Doc interrupting all of their dry banter with the very audible clearing of her throat.

“We have a guest,” she quirked an unamused eyebrow at them before gesturing to an awkward Sabine still hanging out in the doorway. “Are we gonna make her stand there or ask her to sit?”

Ezra blushed deeply as he fumbled over his words and out of his seat, his feet a tangle of mess as he stumbled to her.

“S-Sorry,” he rubbed the back of his nape gingerly. “Would you like to sit? Eat? The kids just left -- but you were here for that I was just thinking that--”

“Ezra, breathe.” Sabine felt her heart warm at the sight of the grown man, his antics still the same from when they were teens.

His name felt like a cool wind against her skin, like a burst of mint, and she ignored the prinpricks behind her eyes as she gently cupped his bearded cheek in one hand.

He was here.

In front of her.

He was real and she wasn't dead…

With a shuddering breath she stopped her hands and let herself melt into him as his strong arms hugged the woman to his broad chest.

“You're not going to puke again are you?” he teased when she pulled away to look up in those electric blues she'd missed so much.

“You're still a dork.” she reached up and brushed a strand of hair from his eyes. “You grew your hair out.”

“It kind of just happened,” he chuckled and ran a hand through the dark blue mass. “Besides, you cut yours.”

“Harder to grab in a fight if the helmet comes off.”

“We both know you'd never let them get that close.” he smirked and she punched him lightly in the arm as they dissolved into mutual chuckling.

“What joy,” Ra’s piped up from behind them, causing the two remember that they weren't alone. “Now, are you going to introduce us or continue cackling like a Mantellian Hen?”

The Chiss man blinked in confusion at the glared from around the table. “What?”

“Way to ruin their moment,” Kielah deadpanned. “Maybe we should've sent you to your room as well.”

“Bold of you to assume that I'd listen to such mindless drivel.” he smirked over his drink and the Lethan narrowed golden eyes at him, the Kaleesh man tensing.

Just when Sabine thought that another fight would break out, Ezra chuckled a rather clearing laugh that got their attention.

“Yeah, you're right,” he smiled easily and walked back to the table, pulling out a chair for Sabine.

She smiled in thanks and took her seat at the end of the table, blinking at all the faces around her.

“Hi,” she gulped. “I'm Sabine.”

“So we've heard,” Ra’s quirked an eyebrow. “It wasn't much but we've heard.”

“Ignore the frozen tundra over there,” The Theelin blew off his words before Kielah could jump down his throat again. “Brieli Yheron, but everyone just calls me Doc.”

“And she's the best surgeon hands down,” Ezra beamed. “Not even the best and brightest imperials can hold a light to her.”

“They tried to,” Ra’s grinned like the devil, a chill running up Sabine's spine. “Remember when they sent that other Doctor after her on Tantooine?”

“Cornelius Evazan,” she scoffed. “Was _not_ a doctor; he was a madman with a scalpel.”

“Which one?” Kielah smirked as she leaned forward. “The one you stuck in his arm or neck?”

Doc blinked owlishly before downing the last of her brew. “I never did get that scalpel back…” she grimaced.

“So you work as the doctor for the ship?” Sabine questioned, honestly intrigued. Not just anyone could go up against the ghastly doctor who enjoyed disfiguring all those who came to him out of hope, and survived. Let alone inflict damage of their own.

“I'm the resident doctor, counselor, and mother,” she huffed with the slight upturn of her lips. “The last one was a joke.” she added when the Mandalorian’s eyes widened slightly.

“Doc's been with me for nine years now.” Ezra beamed and the Theelin woman rolled her eyes good naturedly; a smile smothering its way to get face as well.

Nine years…

Three more years than Ezra had been with the Ghost crew.

But despite the gnawing strain settling in her chest, Sabine only smiled, praying it wasn't as tight as her heart right now.

“That's... amazing, Ez,” Sabine smiled. “I'm glad you had someone there for you.”

And the man would've smiled, had he been deaf of Sabine’s heartstrings in her tone. He looked at the woman and blinked, confused at the sudden drop of her spirits.

But the moment -- though brief -- was short lived, Kielah speaking up immediately. “We were there for him too, you know,” the Lethan smirked, snuggling closer to the Kaleesh. “I happened to save him from a brawl between a Wookie and a Trandoshan.”

“A brawl you started to steal their credits,” Ezra reminded before turning to Sabine, eyes glittering with the remnants of a story. “So I'm on Nal Hutta, right, picking up a cargo shipment for this Chagrian Bounty Hunter who deals in Proximity bombs, it's going great; I've loaded up the containers, I've just been wired the money and I'm about to get in the ship. Next thing I know, this Twi’lek comes barreling into me!”

“That was yours truly,” Kielah beamed a megawatt smile. “I'd been looking for information on a certain slave trader but the Hutt I was getting it from decided to get an edge-up-from-the-neck-up from one of his personal pets and croaked.”

“So she's grasping for straws,” Ezra supplied. “The lead is going cold.”

“And there's a bounty on my head for fifteen thousand credits,” her eyes seem to spark and Sabine finds herself leaning in like a child at story time. “I need to find a way off the planet and I've just been noticed by two very big men who looked like there were waiting for me to drop my soul.”

“What'd you do then?”

“I kicked the credits table over, caused a small riot and high tailed it out of there with a pocket full of dough, one of their keys, and them right behind me.”

“She found me loading, rammed into me and told me to play along so she could live.” Ezra laughed.

“That and four hundred credits.” she snickered, sticking her tongue out teasingly. “And hot shit he goes along with it!”

“So there i am, all six feet of me, staring up at these powerhouses, claiming to be this notorious pirate, Red Blade,” Ezra spoke, hands moving in emphasis to the story. “And I was pretty good too.”

“Until the Wookie blows his cover.”

“How?”

“Red Blade was our Furry friend’s lover.”

There was silence before the whole of the dining room burst into laughter. Even Doc couldn't help but to chuckle at that.

“So the jig is up,” Kielah continues. “I look at him and we know it's come down to one thing.”

“Fight.”

“So, get this, the Trandoshan steps in front of the Wookie, he's doing all sorts of funny looking karate moves and I'm thinking, well, we're screwed, but this guy here does the unthinkable.” Kielah drops her voice down, building suspense. “He squared his shoulders, gets in this like badass fighting stance and when the Trandoshan rushes towards him, he just barely picks up his foot and BAM!” she slam the table with her hands. “Kicks em’ between the legs, grabs my hand and yells ‘RUN!’.”

“We're racing through the people, push things over and out of the corner of my eyes I see her run off to the side,” Ezra looks at the woman still beaming proudly. “Next thing i know, she comes zooming next to me in this beat up speeder. I hop on the back and now we're screaming ‘GET OUTTA THE WAY! GET OUTTA THE WAY!’”

“Thankfully, the ramp was still down,” Kielah scoffed out a laugh. “Not so thankfully, the reason the Speeder was left unattended was because the breaks were out.”

“We ended up having to jump, and rolled into the loading dock of the ship.”

“But the Speeder veered off and into tanks full of gas, surprise we didn't blow the whole hangar up.”

“And who, might you ask, was left to care for these idiots?” Doc piped up. “Yours truly.”

“And that's how you joined the crew?”

“Oh, no,” the Lethan shook her head. “Ezzie, found out that Rogun was actually the guy I was looking for, helped me deal my damage and find my husband.” she leaned over and kissed the side of Xax’s face.

“He'd been using Xax as an arena fighter for years,” Ezra explained with darkened eyes. “And had sold Kielah to the highest bidder.”

“I broke out my first night,” she pulled out her modified blaster and placed it in the table. “The Hutt I was sold to had me cleaning his rancor pit, and liked to threaten to throw me from a window. But cleaning ain't my style, and i take threats as a challenge, so instead, i made a window through his head.”

Sabine gulped dryly as she let the words settle and sink in. “And I'd called you a slave trader last night,” the purple haired woman groaned. “I am so, so sorry.”

“Don't feel too bad, at least you didn't end up like the Rodian.”

“What Rodian?”

“Exactly.”

Sabine felt her eyebrows knit in confusion, and her eyes narrow. “Alrighty then,” she turned back to Ezra. “So you met Doc, then Kielah and um… I'm sorry, what was your name?”

“Xax.”

“So you met Doc, then Kielah and rescued Xax.” Sabine tried. “Then they met ...you?” she directed questioning orbs at the Chiss man with the Imperial accent who sat directly across from her.

“No, i knew Ezra before Kielah and Xax,” he explained. “I was smuggling Rhydonium and three Rathars when the ring got busted and I was thrown into the Wobani Labour Camp. Apparently he was also there, at the traders ring, and had been given the same fate as me. But being there had...severed me from abusive ties that I wasn't ready to quit...I was dying and Ezra saved me. I would go as far to say he's made himself and this...thrown together, motley little crew, the closest thing to kinship that I will openly accept.”

“Daaaw,” Kielah teased. “The blueberry loves us.”

“I take it all back; they can burn.” Ra’s nodded in agreement with himself. But there was no bite behind his words and he promptly looked away, Sabine swearing to all that was Mandalorian that his cheeks looked a shade darker.

“And the children are Genisi and Atticus, but he prefers Kit,” Ezra explained with a wink. “Genisi grew up on Hoth, and when we'd crashed into the starship graveyard after a run in with the empire, she offered to fix our ship and hide us.” The man smiled at the memory of then thirteen year old girl who was so much braver than she gave herself credit for. “Her family worked as galactic traders and had disappeared when she was ten. So when the Arcadia was back to working, we took her with; gave her the same start that you guys gave me.

Sabine felt her heart flutter but cleared her throat and ignored it, she was a grown woman, this was no time to be acting like a child being praised with a new vibroblade.

“What about the boy?”

“Kit is...well...Kit is a different case.” Ezra rubbed his nape tenderly with a heavy sigh and dropped shoulders.

“We'd answered a distress call being sent out in the Outer Rim Territories, but when we got there…” Kielah shuddered. “Carnage doesn't do what we found on that ship justice.”

“Massacre comes close,” Doc supplied. “A totality of death and hiding in a closet, under the corpses of his family was Kit."

Sabine gaped in horror. “Oh my god...What...what had happened?”

“A Sith plague,” Ra’s spat with so much distaste that it was tangible in the air. “Rakghouls are a living death–the manifestation of a highly communicable disease capable of swiftly transforming its victims into twisted, degenerate monsters with predatory instincts. The rakghoul virus can infect hundreds of known species and is most often delivered through a rakghoul’s bite; a person attacked by a rakghoul and “lucky” enough to survive typically becomes a rakghoul him- or herself. Some victims resist the virus for days, succumbing to rakghoul instincts while retaining their original bodies.”

Ezra and the others remembered watching in abject horror and disgust as the ship’s footage had showed the decimation of an entire crew.

“The virus mutates fastest when infecting new species, and slowest when rakghouls reproduce with other rakghouls,” Ra’s grit out bitterly. “In the span of hours, it had wiped out a crew of thirty-six.”

And Atticus, their sweet baby, had hid for days underneath the bodies of his older sister and mother, his brother long ago infected with the curse.

“It had been a week before we had found them,” Ezra swallowed thickly, voice dropped to a whisper at the weight of it all. “He was practically dead.”

“It took three months of restoring his body weight and appetite, and four to get him from screaming at night,” Doc blinked back tears and sniffed. “He was six and the only survivor of his entire crew.”

Sabine’s hand flew to her mouth. Oh god. That was...she couldn't begin to comprehend what must have went through the child's head not did she want to.

“But now he's doing so much better,” Ezra nodded, lightening the mood. “Sure, we have road bumps,and he's seemed to adopted Kielah’s swearing, but other than that he's fed, he sleeps good, and that is one of the liveliest kids I know.”

“This crew is family,” Ezra threw an arm over Ra’s shoulder and pulled him in, throwing the man off guard. “And now they're your family too. So, all in favor?” Ezra rose his cup and the others followed suit, looking at Sabine who raised it hesitantly only to lower it as her eyesserached through her thoughts and froze.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Amber eyes flew up to his electric blues; anger, disbelief, hope in denial flashed through them as she settled the drink back down on the table. “You were there.” her voice accusing, words cold. “You were in the Outer Rim Territories. You were there!” she slammed her hands on the table and rose, pointing a finger at the man.

“Calm down, please,” he raised pacifying hands in mock surrender but Sabine didn’t care. Didn’t even acknowledge them.

All that mattered was that he had been there, that he had been a hair's breadth away and had never come home. Never come back to the family and friends who mourned him! To Hera who cried and raised a child that Ezra could’ve been so good for; telling him stories of his father that the Twilek never knew. To Zeb who missed his kid brother so fiercely that when the boy had ‘died’ he’d taken a vow of silence and had stayed away from the crew. Hell, even Chopper had missed the boy who’d become a staple in his life. And Sabine? She felt her jaw clench at the thought of what it had done to her.

“YOU LEFT US ALONE!”

“NO!”

“YOU STAYED AWAY!”

“I HAD NO CHOICE!”

“LIAR!” She seethed. “YOU HAD ALL THE CHOICE IN THE GALAXIES!”

“Sabine, please,” Ezra -- standing, chest heaving -- dropped his shoulders as he looked into those angry amber eyes that burned him with accusations, pleading for her to understand. “You have to believe me...I was needed out here.”

“Needed?” she scoffed. “We needed you! I...I needed you.” with a shake of her head she pushed away from the table and made her way -- albeit shakily -- back to the doorway before casting a scathing look of pain at him. “But i guess you didn’t need us.” She wobbled a bit but slowly made her way back to the infirmary, leaving Ezra standing and just as pained as if he’d taken a blaster shot through the chest, leaving Ezra standing and just as pained as if he’d taken a blaster shot through the chest, but what was done, was done.

All he could do now was try to make it better...try to--to do something. But it would have to wait, the beeping at his hip drawing his attention as Kielah leaned around the corner down the hallway. “We got a mission, Ez.”

“Yeah.” he cast a solemn look back down the hallway where Sabine had limped away before turning his head back to the Lethan who watched him closely. “Alright, let’s move.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! That was a sum, and thankfully my last final is Friday!!! So, what do y'all think? What should she do? How do you think the crew is going to react? Stay tuned for more chapters.
> 
> Also, special thanks to Sleepless-actual, and annastronaut for commenting!!! Much love.


	4. A series of NOT so unfortunate events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine is hurts but thankfully kids always make it better right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the previous chapter just a bit at the end so i you'd like, i'd recommend going back and checking that out so this will make more sense. 
> 
> Much love!!!

“Ahsoka, i’ve found him.”

Was the first thing Sabine shuddered out when the Togruta answered her holocommunicator, eyes red and shoulders shaky. She hated him. She did. How could...How could he just abandon them!? They were his family and he _never_ came back. Never even wanted to, or tried!

“That is good to hear, are you on the way back?”

“Not as of current,” the Mandalorian raked fingers through her purple mass and grimaced as she looked around at the dimly lit medical room with its two shadier than most bacta tanks. “We had a...falling out.”

“A falling out?” Ahsoka’s face scrunches in confusion. “What do you mean?”

She takes a breath to quiet her sobs and she knows her face is ugly but she doesn’t care and she thanks the stars and Mandalorian ancestors that Ahsoka stays that stoic quiet and lets her sniffle and shudder and shake till she’s numb and tired.

“He didn’t want to come back,” she finally says. “He had been in the Outer Rim and had chose not to even try and see us! He...He left us and he stayed gone on purpose! He’s not our Ezra...I don’t know if he ever was.”

“Sabine, think about what you’re saying,” there was that tone. Always that tone; that ‘i’m-giving-you-the-appearance-of-a-choice-but-it’s-not-actually-your-choice’ tone that seemed to be adopted from one cooky space traveler to the next. Sabine hated it but she listened whenever times got hard.

And right now, times were hard.

“Ezra has...grown, let’s say it like that but growing and branching out does not mean he’s forgotten about us,” Ahsoka looks away deep in thought. “There were plenty of times that the separation from my master caused me pain, but i had to stay away to find _myself_.”

“But what about your master?” the Mando'a questioned. “Didn’t you think about the pain it would put him through?”

“Not all the time, maybe not even as much as i was supposed to,” Sabine had hit low in her anger, but the grey Jedi understood her hurt. “But the fact remained that i could not hope to become who i am today if not for choices that ripped me apart on the inside.”

“You _Jedi_ are all the same,” Sabine huffed bitterly, thoughts travelling to a man with emerald eyes who chose to accept the fate of death. Chose to leave Hera and a child. Chose to leave her like he _promised_ he never would.

“Sabine.”

“Don’t...Don’t do that like you understand.” And maybe she did, but so what? That stupid moralistic code of self sacrifice and abandonment that was passed down from one gullible heart to the next had taken everything from the Ghost crew.

“So, what will you do now?”

“Leave.”

“After everything?”

“He had no problem--”

“If you let anger cloud your judgement then we've already lost to the Empire.” Sabine stilled and looked at the woman head on, jaw screwed shut. “Stay there. Talk to him. You may find out that the boy is still there inside of the man.”

“Ahsoka wait, how do i...how do i forgive him?”

“That is a question you must find out for yourself.” and with that, as Sabine found the Togruta always doing, she ended their call and left the woman with her head hung and a curiosity to explore her newfound surroundings.

“You’re still here?”

The mechanical voice jolted her into action, reflexes just as good as when she wasn’t semi full of medication and nursing a hangover; hand flying to her hips for a blaster that wasn’t there and instead settling on overturning the nearest table beside her and retrieving a scalpel as the medical supplies scattered like stars in the sky.

And as she whipped her head around, she honestly expected one of the children but instead came face to face with a humanoid droid with apparently female programming judging from the voice and...chest area.

She stood no taller than Hera, her stainless metal shining in the lowlight, and her eyes flickering as if she couldn’t take enough in; watching the woman who stood in a defensive position armed with a scalpel closely. She looked curious. Mildly intrigued. And confused as to why there was someone other than Ezra or the Doc there.

“Are you perhaps deaf?” she inquired sizing Sabine up. “I wouldn’t be surprised seeing as how feeble you organics are, though i’m not reading any electromagnetic implants. Or perhaps you feel that being impaired is not a hindrance and have chosen not to fix the problem with capable technology.”

“I’m not deaf.” Sabine muttered, lowering the blade hesitantly. “Who are you?”

“Elysium, but everyone just calls me Ellie.” the droid replied coolly. “I run the Arcadia.”

“Oh.” Sabine felt stupid. Of course she wasn’t a threat -- at least not to her -- she doubted Ezra would have someone that was bad on his crew...then again she didn’t know Ezra like that anymore.

“Would you mind picking that up?” Ellie looked down at the messo f a table and supplies. “I rather not have my circuits rewired by Doc.” Sabine freezes, eyes widening a little at the thought of the Theelin taking the droid apart. “That was a joke, but i would prefer you actually clean up your mess.”

And it takes the half dizzy woman to blink several times before she scrambles awkwardly to pick up the table and discarded cotton squares and duropatches. “I’m sorry.”

“I thought you were Sabine.” That was definitely Ezra’s humor. “Well, are you quarantined or can you leave? Cause if you’d like our engine room is to _die_ for.” she pauses and looks back at the Mando’a who hadn’t moved from her spot. “I mean it’s _to die for_ but you won’t _actually die_ , i find that you organics take things too literally...Or perhaps it’s us droids? I never can discern the difference.”

“I--uh,” she didn’t really know what to say, droids had always been a mystery to her but thankfully -- or not so thankfully -- she was saved by the sudden appearance of the devaronian teen, raised brow and arms crossed.

“She doesn’t want a tour of our ship, El,” Genisi leaned against the door. “But i bet it would be nice to get out of this room.” she turns and looks over her shoulder with a teasing smirk. “Or you can always stay here and talk about the many wonders of a boiler room with our resident tin-can.”

“You’d actually let me come with you?” Sabine decides.”You barely even know me. Aren’t you even the slightest scared? Not! Not that you should be.”

“ Look, lady, one: i’m trying to be nice cause that means getting off the hook. Two: i know where every hidden airlock is on this ship so unless you give me probable cause, you don’t have to worry about the vacuum of space.” she countered. “So like...are you coming?”

“You know what,” Sabine smiled warmly and looked around till she found her jacket and pulled it on. “Lead the way.”

* * *

“So then he sneaks into my room, him and Zeb dripping from head to toe in my spray paint and he’s breathing heavy and i look at him and he tries to lean against the post of my door with this gosh annoying finger gun smirk but he just falls,” She throws her hands up in exaggeration; one arching up before slapping into the other dramatically. “BAM! Face-first into plated floors!” she threw her head back and laughed, Genisi laughing with her and it felt good. Really good to be laughing so hard it hurt. To be laughing without the effects of alcohol.

And Genisi reminded her of well, her.

She was at that age where she was an adult, and Sabine supposed that was fair seeing as how the galaxies were unforgiving, but the Devaronian was still young enough to shine in that adolescent light. Yet when she talked about explosives it was with a seniority and confidence of someone a decade older and with far more experience. Genisi was stunning to listen to, and sitting there on that observation deck looking up at the stars and sharing stories and blumfruit muffins, Sabine found the girl a kindred heart to her own.

“Wow, i think this is the longest i’ve ever talked to anyone that’s not Ezra or Xaxmhi; but that’s mainly cause Kit gets me in trouble alot.” the Devaronian snickered and Sabine gave her an all too knowing look. “Okay, okay, maybe sometimes it’s me too.”

Sabine nudges the girl playfully before standing and stretching. “What say we mess with some paint?” and the look that the teen gives her in infectious, even as she tries to not look awkward when she scrambles to her feet.

“Yeah!” Genisi says a little too quickly before correcting it. “I mean sure, that’s cool.” she shrugs but the smile is still there.

“You think Kit might want to paint with us too?” It wouldn’t hurt inviting him, plus the others had said the teen was close to him so showing him that Sabine meant well might settle some -- if there was any -- hostility towards her.

Why she cared, she didn’t know.

“I mean...he might,” she shrugs before really thinking about it. “If we can find him maybe.”

“That’s cool, where is he usually?”

“In the vents.” the teen looks up at one of the air ducts. “He chills there whenever he can’t tag along on missions.”

“Is that where everyone is right now?” Sabine inquired, much too wrapped up in conversation to even have noticed before. Ezra hadn’t even let her know he was leaving, but then again she was pissed off at him so talking probably wouldn’t have worked. Scratch that, it _wouldn’t_ have worked.

“Yeah, some shipment run. They should be back later on,” the girl yawned and motioned for Sabine to follow her like before and with ease the woman did just that; following the Devaronian down the hallway and to a shipment room full of boxes. “Gimme a sec.”

“Go ahead.” and the Mando’a watched as the willowy young woman hopped onto several crates with cat like grace before crawling onto the tallest stacking in the room, knocking on the ventilation door grille several times.

Not even seconds later it screwed open and out popped the freckled dusted face of Atticus, hair disheveled and eyes hidden by fighter pilot goggles. “What?”

“Hello to you to, dweeb.” the girl grimaces but there’s no bite in her tone and her face isn’t menacing; this was a regular greeting. “Sabine wants to know if you want to paint with us, and i told her i’d ask.”

“Why does she want to paint with me? I don’t know her like that.” he shakes his head and Sabine blinks back a smirk because ah the ruthless honesty of children. “And besides, why are you acting all buddy-buddy with her like she’s not here to take Ezra away?”

Okay, that hurt.

“Stop being like that, she’s just trying to be nice,” Genisi huffed frustratedly. “Besides, her being here doesn’t mean Ezra’s leaving us.” she spares a brief, questioning glance at the Sabine over her shoulder before she turns back to the boy who’d opted on disappearing back into the vents.

“Kit stop being stupid and just come paint!”

“Stop being a traitor!” he retorted and Genisi looks ready to try again but before she can a thick pale blue substances drips from the vents and onto her head. She freaks, and slips and Sabine is happy that the medication has almost fully warn off because she doubted she would’ve had the same reaction time if she was under the influence.

Genisi lands in Sabine’s arms with a thud, dropping the woman to pained knees, and when she pulls herself up, the teen is livid. “YOU BRAT! YOU COULD’VE KILLED ME!” she yells, taking the slime from her hair and flinging it to the ground in a wet ‘ _plop_ ’. “AND WHAT EVEN IS THIS!?”

“Goo for the traitor!” he yells back before adding. “Why don’t you let your new best friend clean you up, huh!? Maybe you can make _art_ out of it!”

Sabine needed to diffuse this. Now.

“Hey, go get cleaned and let me talk to him.” she pleaded with Genisi as she placed a hand on the fuming teen’s shoulder. “I’ve got experience in dealing with this sort of thing.” And wasn’t that the truth? Jacen Syndulla was about as obedient as his father and just as mouthy.

Even so the teen seemed to deflate at the thought of leaving Sabine alone with her -- basically -- kid brother. Genisi grimaced, looked up at the ceiling still dripping with blue and sighed heavily. “Yeah, okay, whatever.” she shrugged and threw up her hands. “Good luck dealing with the little rankor.”

“Thanks.” and with that Sabine, following the same steps as Genisi -- though a little less agile -- made her way to the top crate still harboring some ooze, and knocked.

“I can’t believe you even decided to come back!” he clearly thought this was Genisi, and judging from the way he opened the grille, saw the Mando’a and slammed it, this wasn’t going to be easy. “You can go away.”

“But i wanted to talk.” she tries.

“Who said i wanted to talk to _you_ , though?”

“No one, but i still figured i’d introduce myself.” She shrugs and crosses her legs; she was in this for the long haul. “I’m--”

“I’m not stupid i know who you are,” the voice scoffs. “Ezra told us this morning that you were like his sister or something and he told you to like do something but he didn’t know what. So there, you can leave now.”

Like his sister?

Sabine shook those thoughts away and looked up into the darkness behind the dripping grille, where the boy was without a doubt looking at her. “Well, that’s not even close to knowing me.”

“Oh yeah, what’s there to know other than you’re trying to steal Ezra from us?”

“Well, for starters, i’m not stealing Ezra from anybody,” she admits. “Sure, i don’t know what the future may hold but that doesn’t mean he’s leaving with me.” Not when she couldn’t figure out if he should or if she even wanted him to.

“So what? Saving your body snatching for later?”

“You really don’t let up, do you?” Sabine sighed before chuckling.

“What? What’s so funny?”

“You are,” she supplied. “All loyalty and hotheaded; reminds me of a friend of mine. We’d met on Mandalore, rivals turned friends, friends turned escapees as we ran away from the imperial school that lied to us about the so called glory of the Empire...I had made mistakes. Mistakes that led to my family siding with the Empire over their own kid but when i was down and out Ketsu picked me up.

We traveled far and wide and lived wherever we want; the glories of being bounty Hunters, i guess, but it was...emptying. Our jobs were never great. Ever. And the only thing that pushed us besides the will to live was a longing for the crime syndicate. The Black Sun. But credits are a greed that exists only for itself and when life is low but the credits are high people can do extraordinary cruel things.”

“Like what?” the voice, so small, so unsure breaks through the cloud of thoughts and Sabine is rooted once again to the present, smirking internally at the fact that the boy was A. Listening, and B. not making any rude comments, so she decided to continue.

“Like leaving their best friends for dead.” her eyes flickered down and she scoffed. “But even then, trapped in a box with four blaster wounds and being sent to some unknown planet, she was still better than the empire had ever been.”

The grille flies open then and Kit leans out with the goggles pushing back his mane of hair and his face screwed in confusion. “But she tried to kill you!” his eyebrows knit. “I’m sorry but your friend sounds like the poster child for the Empire.”

And Sabine finds herself laughing because he’s not too far off. “I had thought that too, honestly, for a long time, but that was before i found out who the Empire and Ketsu really were.” she explained and the boy propped the grille open more. “I had grew up on the belief that the Empire was this beacon of strength and light and even when i had fled the academy i never once thought they were so cruel as to force my people into submission with the weapons i created.”

“What do you mean, ‘ _your people_ ’?”

“Mandalorians.” and his eyes go as big as saucers, mouth falling open in shock and awe, eye glittering before he clambered away from the opening and loud clinks could be heard before he reappeared once again, out of breath and grinning ear to ear.

“Now, not many see this place but don’t think that we’re friends either,” he made known and Sabine -- going along with it -- places one hand over her heart and raises the other as if she’s being sworn into oath.

When he’s satisfied he moves away from the opening before yelling out a ‘come on!’ and Sabine finds herself hoisting her body up into the dark confines of the vents, Atticus quick to close them after she was fully in.

“Uh, Kit? I’m a little blind here.” She calls out because she could barely see her own hand before the sound of lights coming to life lit her vision up.

The space was nice.

Hanging lights decorated the ceilings and pictures, both drawn on paper and on the walls adorned the metal in the low light. Not only that, there was a hologram photo of a man who beared painstaking resemblance to Atticus and trinkets welded and thrown together; one of the contraptions looking vaguely similar to a tiny generator being propped up on datapads. It was like a secret headquarters, and suddenly Sabine felt a bit out of sorts; this obviously meant alot to the kid so she’d gained some amount of trust but when it was time for her to leave with or without Ezra, what would happen to the fragile peace she’d built with Atticus?

Better to think about those things another time.

“This is...amazing, did you do the lights yourself?”

“YUP!” he beamed. “The wiring wasn’t too hard once i figured how to reroute just a tiny bit of electricity to this ventilation system, after it’s turned off the metal is still buzzing with the after effects of energy and i use this,” he held up the mock generator. “To collect that excess and then store it.”

Holy...They weren’t kidding when they said the kid was smart.

“So, do you have any cool Mandalorian stories?” he inquired after a moment and Sabine turned away from the sketched out blueprints on the wall and back to the boy, a slow grin starting to spread.

“Kid, you have no idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Waz good!!!? It's been a while, and i'm so happy if you stuck around after the wait so without further ado let me start out saying HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I've currently been dealing with family and college is about to start up but i'm going to try to post more frequently than once every month, So i hoped you enjoyed the chapter!!!
> 
> And Mucho thanks to all those who left Kudos and to my commenter!!! Shout out to Sleepless-actual, Resuviol, Samara, annastronaut, silverfox22!!! Thanks for the comments and the love!!!


	5. Author's note

So, college is...college. And ive been swamped with book work and projects. But this week, i'll say...hmmm...monday or tuesday, i'll update. I know whay its like to be really pumped about a new update and find its infact not a new update. Sorry. So sorry. But all the same, thankyou readers for sticking with this rollercoater!!!!

YOU'RE ALL AMAZING!!!


	6. Open heart Bleeding circuits

"You see? That indicates a hypermatter particle leak. The damage is at a microscopic level, likely localized to one of the several hundred radiation refractors in the Nirvana. It's not enough to impact efficiency—but it could leave a trail to follow." Ezra looked over the datapad in Ra’s’ hands as they quickly moved through the hallway, avoiding the burning steam spouting from the pipes in bursts as they clambered to the engine room.

“Kielah talk to me, what’re we looking at?” Ezra called out over the railing, an oil covered Lethan poking her Lekku’ed head out of the exhaust shaft, looking beyond pissed off.

“Who checked the fucking oil last!?” she barked out. “Cause ain’t nothing in this damn thing but shot to shit rotary! Like geez! It’s like you all _want_ an electrical overload!”

“But can it be fixed?”

“Can a Mynock multiply?”

“Uh…”

“The answer is yes,” she grimaced further before disappearing with a rather loud and it was disgruntled. “HOPELESS! ALL OF YOU BUT MY XAXMHI ARE HOPELESS!”

And he supposed that held some honesty, but they were good in their own way; each having skills and far more determination than they gave themselves. And working with them? He shuddered at the thought of his crew on the other end of the Galactic war.

They were dangerous.

But they were family.

His family that he’d found and melded together with care and all the ideals that both sets of his parents -- Mira and Ephraim, and later Hera and Kanan -- had instilled in him. Good values that he worked towards, fought by, lived and breathed for. But...But with Sabine’s sudden appearance everything had been thrown to the wind.

To chance.

Thrown to an explosives girl with spray paint and a laugh like a million suns. A girl he’d missed and was probably gone, left because he was too stupid, too scared, too wrapped up in his own life to even _attempt_ to go back to Lothal...But did he want to? Did he want to go back to a place where Kanan wasn’t? Where pitying stares and unattainable standards shadowed his life and who he would surely have to become?

And that terrified him.

Terrified him that he would never amount to that green eyed man who took him in and raised him when the streets no longer could. So yes, he was a coward. He ran away from responsibility that he feared of having, but he also knew that leaving was the only way he could save them.

From what? He...he grimaced at the fact that he didn’t know.

Grimaced externally apparently.

“Are you alright?” the hand on his shoulder jolting him back to the present, the red eyes searching his blue ones in worry. “Come on, we've got to finish this.”

“Yeah, sorry,” the man chuckled softly and went back to adjusting the rotary functions in the gears, using just the tiniest bit of the force to slide the screw into place, smiling at the wonder in Ra’s eyes as he watched Ezra’s fingers work meticulously.

“Six years and that is _still_ one of the most fascinating things to see.” he chuckled and Ezra smirked at that devilish smile. “What?”

“Nothing man,” he shoved him good naturedly. “Just find it cool that you still think I'm cool.”

“And I would find it cool if my crewmates would stop flirting with each other but here we are,” both grown men jumped easily out of their skin and Doc snickered behind them as she crouched beside Ezra who glared at her playfully.

“Yes, i suppose you’d have me leave that up to you?” Ra’s countered with triumph as Ezra’s eyes widened while Brideli narrowed her own.

“If you’re done, we have work to do.” she said after a minute, before leaving. Ezra turning to his friend with disappointment.

“What?”

“Come on man, you can’t possibly think that was alright.”

“Oh, so you’re still beating around the bush with her then?” Ra’s asked without looking at the man, instead continuing his analysis scan and adjusting the ships settings. “You know you really should talk to her.”

And Ezra, all thirty years of him, blushes and rubs the back of his neck. “I know, i know but right now we have the war to think about.”

“Don’t be complacent.” the man scolded. “And don’t let the empire comes between your wants and needs; they’re both obligations my friend.”

And he knew that, he did. But he wasn’t...wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened that night on Nar Shaddaa…

“I’ll talk to her. I will.”

“Sure, and i’ll stop being blue.” Ra’s shrugged and stood up, the human looking up like he was worried his friend would leave. “Calibrations are done,” he reassured, offering his hand. “But if that twi’lek doesn’t reconnect the initial tubing then it won’t matter even if this junk restarts; we’ll die of carbon monoxide poisoning because the air isn’t filtered right.”

“I could always filter a blaster bolt through your head though.” The man squeaked and barreled into the arms of Ezra, the larger catching his friend as he let out a laugh. He was going to have to put bells on the women of his crew or the men were going to die of fright.

And Ra’s who clung to Ezra’s shirt, released it awkwardly and wheeled on the oil covered Lethan, hands on his hips as he narrowed his eyes. “Well, are we going to suffocate?” he huffed.

“Don’t try and play it off like you didn’t just jump into his arms.” Kielah doubled over before coming back up and wiping her eyes. “Gosh you’re so easy.” and Ezra was sure if Ra’s were a cat he would be able to see the raising hair on the chiss man who bristled.

“Look here you two-tailed red she demon, i am restraining myself because it is dignified, but mark my words, you’ll starve before the night’s end.” he pointed a jabbing finger and brushed past her, muttering angrily as he disappeared around the corner.

“You should really give him a break.”

“That’s what i’m doing,” she admitted honestly, casting a sideways glance down the way he disappeared to. “He works himself too hard, but he only loosens when all his energy is spent.”

“Which is when he’s angry.”

“Exactly,” she smirked. “I may not like him but hey, i’m not completely heartless.”

“You make literally no sense.” the man chuckled with a shake of his head. “But did you finish the rewiring?”

“Course, wouldn’t be here if i wasn’t.” she looked at him like he’d drown a third head before asking for a boost to the top of the generator, which Ezra did; Kielah stepping on his head in the process.

“You okay?”

“Your boot just put a dent in my cranium, no I don't think so.” he grunted out as she stepped and moved to adjust certain circuitry. But she stopped abruptly and Ezra found himself looking up into narrowed eyes. “Fine,” he sighed heavily. “I’m not.”

“It’s about Sabine, right?” she tried and continued when Ezra’s blatant silence confirmed her theory. “Are you afraid of what her being here might mean for you and Bri?”

“Why is it everyone’s concern about me and B’s relationship?” He snapped. “I’m a grown man, i can handle this on my own.”

“Oh, yeah, i can totally see how well that’s working for you,” her voice bit back. “All the brooding and mopping and aggression is really doing wonders for your skin.”

Ezra sighed heavily, rubbing the back of his neck tenderly. “I’m--”

“Being a dick?”

“Sorry,” he countered. “I was going to say I’m sorry.”

“I still like my answer.” and he could practically hear the smirk in her voice.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he rolled his eyes and scoffed, growing silent and still as realization settled through him. “I’m afraid to go back.”

“What?” she popped her head over and looked down at the man with crestfallen shoulders and knit eyebrows. “Ezra, go back where?”

“Home…” he whispered and sunk down to the ground, leaning against the generator and dropping his head as he brought his knees up to his chest. “I’m afraid to go home…” And Kielah stays quiet; she’d never been the touchy feely ‘cry-on-my-shoulder’ type of person, so she continues her tweaking adjusting and waits for him to talk, there was no need to push and rush something out of someone if they didn’t want to tell you, so she left it in the hands of his trust of her.  
“I’m afraid to go back to a place that’s changed.” he leaned his head back and stared up at the plated ceiling, with a sad smirk. “I don’t want to be where everything’s changed. I left. At some point sure, i planned to go back, i even thought about it in my early years but then i found all of you and i didn’t feel that need to search and long to return to a family that had most likely moved on. Return to people who had found ways to live without me...I’d...I’ve settled with a crew of my own.” he chuckled darkly before continuing.

“Why worry about those who weren’t there? And isn’t that a heartless thing to say...Going back became a--a dream. A distant thought. Like when i was growing up on the streets and people say they’re going to help you...feed you...and it’s not like they forget, because it’s always there at the back of their minds but they have their own lives to live and of course you know this and some part blames them like they blame themselves when they see you dying in the streets but it’s...it’s their lives and they deserve to live too, they aren’t supposed to take care you...I wasn’t _never_ supposed to take of them but he _left_ and suddenly everyone was looking at _me_.”

He grit his jaw and stood, shoulders tensed and he rubbed a hand down his face before turning and looking back and up. “Kielah--” but he’s cut off as she hops down and places a hand on his shoulder to quiet him.

“Don’t forget to live for yourself.” and with that she throws one arms over his shoulders and leads him out of the room, bellowing loud and proudly. “Elbows and Assholes, strap in, we’re heading home!"

"Yeah, lets go," he agreed with a smirk. "Can't leave Kit and Gen by themselves anyway; they bribed Ellie  last time to go to Nar Shaddaa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i'd promised not to update once a month but sadly its starting to look like that, anyone that's stayed reading is...you're all just so wonderful amd thay makes me continue to write so thankyou. Thankyou so much!!!
> 
> Also, i credit the part and the 'hypermatter' to George Lucas : https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Hypermatter


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